‘ADHD. Moderately severe’. When I first read the psychiatrist report confirming my son’s diagnosis of Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder three years ago, my stomach lurched. The letters stared aggressively back at me from my screen. I became fixated on the ‘D’ for disorder. No one wants to read that their child has a ‘disorder’ even if you’ve suspected it for years.
If I’d known then what I know now, I would have taken the diagnosis in my stride. Since then, two more ‘ADHDers’ have entered my life, along with all the chaotic brilliance these ‘disordered’ beings bring to the party. One is my stepson. One is me.
We need to work out if this is an IQ issue
For years, we were called into my son’s primary school to discuss his constant mild disruption in class. By year six, his teacher was fed up with him, but she also lacked any affection towards this kind, charismatic little boy. When she announced he would ‘really struggle at secondary school’, I cried. When she followed it with ‘We need to work out if this is an IQ issue,’ I was speechless.
I followed the suggestion to get his IQ assessed but it was a waste of money. I knew there was nothing wrong with his intelligence. Instead, ADHD was flagged. More private assessments ensued. ADHD was confirmed.
From there, I witnessed ADHD dominoes.
Reading my son’s psychiatry report was like looking at myself. I understood where his brain had come from. Not long after, my teenage stepson met my son. They were matched on energy, social skills, charisma, enthusiastic interrupting, as well as the leftfield thought patterns that lead to an entrepreneurial way of thinking.
ADHD has hit the mainstream
To anyone concerned about diagnosis for themselves or their children – you are not alone. Somewhere between 2.5 and 3 million people in the UK have it.
The surge in diagnoses and prescriptions has been rapid. One BMJ study found that the number on medication has increased hugely in the last five years. Greater awareness has led to greater acceptance and understanding.
Yes, ADHD does come with challenges. Living with someone who has it can require super-human levels of patience. Tiredness, boredom… anything can trigger hyperactivity that is often loud and disruptive. Getting an ADHD teenager to school can feel like a Herculean task. Nothing gets done in order. Everything gets lost. My son is currently attempting to do his art homework (unprompted, a win!), yet he has lost every bit of kit I bought him four weeks ago.
However, like any spectrum, there are degrees to which it impacts your ability to function every day. For some people it can have debilitating consequences. For others it’s more subtle. There are different types and people generally have a varying blend of hyperactivity, inattentiveness and impulsivity.
A ‘mercurial mind’
For the individual who has this type of brain, it is tiring. My loving parents, with no clue about ADHD in the 1980s and 90s, always generously described me as having a ‘mercurial mind’.
I often start a sentence with a question about one thing and end up talking about something very different. I rarely wait for an answer because my brain has moved on. If I do get an answer, I must physically concentrate to listen to it. And in between starting and finishing that sentence I will probably have misplaced something and will then need to spend many wasted minutes looking for it.
Don’t read out instructions to me. Never verbalise directions. This is a complete waste of time. My brain can’t compute more than two things in a row, and if someone tries to list things, it shuts down and I get irritated. I struggle to follow films because my mind wanders. Now, I ask my partner who patiently pauses without judgment. He’s something of a hero.
Short-lived but big emotions
My least appealing ADHD trait is that I’m quick to anger – a problem caused by emotional dysregulation. Big emotions are effectively a response pattern which often occurs when the values of the person with an ADHD brain are compromised.
Personally, feeling belittled or patronised will set me off, as will being taken for granted. Unfortunately, taking your parents for granted is the birthright of most teenagers, but mine are often on the receiving end of my short-lived fury. Next follows shame for my incontrollable emotions, then overcompensating and over-apologising. Epic parenting.
Social skills, charisma and resilience
It’s important to recognise that lives do not fall apart with an ADHD diagnosis. There is so much that is beneficial about having this somewhat tiring brain. For example, it’s virtually impossible to hold onto anger or a grudge. This is quite definitely a superpower.
My son and stepson might lack ordered thinking, but more than make up for it with warmth and conversational skills. Negative thoughts dissipate quickly. They have their worries and preoccupations like everyone, but there is remarkable resilience and an ability to move on.
A different view of the world
Another strength is creativity. A brain that pings all over the place inevitably looks at the world a bit differently.
How refreshing in a society that needs more risk takers and entrepreneurial thinkers. Whilst the ADHD brain switches off when faced with things it finds dull (less helpful during GCSEs), it fixates on the stuff it finds fascinating and as a result becomes exceptionally good at them.
A brain type, not a disorder?
Society needs to rethink the way it looks at ADHD. To me, and thousands more, it’s just a brain type. There’s nothing wrong with us.
Society has evolved around us in a way that doesn’t suit. I’d hazard a guess that any Stone Age humans with ADHD-type brains were probably handy at skills like hunting and problem-solving. They weren’t required to sit at a desk staring at spreadsheets. Or to study for SATs exams at 10 years old.
The unfair wealth divide impacting diagnosis
There are now more than half a million people awaiting NHS assessment. With diagnosis comes self-acceptance and the restoration of confidence. Unfortunately, owing to the overwhelmed NHS, the waiting lists are long. Sometimes years.
During bouts of insomnia, I reflect on the countless children who will be disadvantaged by this. My ADHD child and stepchild are highly intelligent, articulate and interesting individuals who were, to an extent, failed by their schools, written off as merely disruptive and unacademic. This is not the fault of the education system. A National Audit Office report last year outlined the UK’s SEN system is financially unstable and in need of urgent reform.
Medications and management
At present, as many as 75% of adults with the condition are thought to be undiagnosed. Worryingly, it risks becoming a class issue owing to the cost of private assessment and struggle to find NHS support. For us, the cost runs into hundreds per year for medication, prescriptions and assessments.
Medication isn’t for everyone. What’s important is having strategies that work for the individual. I have developed coping mechanisms that involve myriad lists, for instance. I don’t like seeing my son medicated because he loses an element of his much-loved spark, but it enables him to fit into this constrained world. Sad, perhaps, but necessary for now.
Diet is, I’ve researched, is important. Advice is that ADHD-supportive diets should include plenty of protein, omega-3 fatty acids and complex carbohydrates, while avoiding sugary foods. But what teenager doesn’t eat sugary foods?
What does the future look like?
So, what can you do if you believe your child may have ADHD? My advice would be to get them on an NHS waiting list – even if they’re very young. Whilst many can navigate the early years successfully, life becomes harder when they hit secondary school and demands ramp up.
My belief is that society needs to reconsider the way it thinks about ADHD.
To quote Steve Jobs in Apple’s 1997 Think Different Campaign; “Here’s to the crazy ones. The misfits. The rebels. The troublemakers. The round pegs in the square holes. The ones who see things differently. They’re not fond of rules. And they have no respect for the status quo… the people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world, are the ones who do.”
Here’s to the mercurial mind.
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